Limping, Limp Republicans

Ilana Mercer, July 25, 2008

I get the impression that Republicans are growing more flaccid by the day—and it’s not because John McCain, their presidential pick, blushes at the mention of masculinity-enhancing medication.

McCain thinks you commune with God by amnestying illegal aliens. Time and again, the mushy McCain has scolded the few remaining plucky Republicans daring to defile the Democrats. Why, McCain even condemned any and all who dwelled on Obama’s umbilical ties to his spiritual guide of 20 years, the diabolical Rev. Wright. For some reason, Obama’s dwelling in the house of the devil for two decades McCain considers off limits—irrelevant to the man’s abilities as president. Or so McCain insisted.

Unsurprisingly, McCain recently condemned, in that soporific drone, a display, paid for by the last remaining Republican Party loyalist, depicting the burning Twin Towers, and exhorting fellow Floridians not to vote Democratic. McCain would have knocked the stuffing out of this feisty fellow, but he was otherwise busy prostrating himself before the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. McCain had taken time off to campaign for Barry at the NAACP. Obama was an “impressive fellow,” he informed an already captive crowd.

Songbird Sen. Orrin Hatch is another tender heart. The Republican representative from Utah has been serenading “legendary liberal” Teddy Kennedy.

Here’s some of what the “Praise Singer” wrote for Kennedy:

Through the darkness, we can find a pathway,
that will take us halfway to the stars.
Shoo the shadows and doubts away, and touch the legacy that is ours, yours and mine.

He might be a lousy poet, but Hatch is keenly attuned to his and Kennedy’s place in history—which makes him a good court poet. When he’s not praying to Kennedy, Hatch can be found praying for him: “I pray for him several times a day,” he told the Boston Globe correspondent.

In case you wondered where your own representative was—and why he hasn’t responded to your calls—he, like Hatch, is otherwise occupied: “A lot of Republicans are praying for [Teddy],” divulged Hatch.

That a popular women’s television show features females who’re soft in the head is to be expected. But, once again, the Republican led the way.

Elizabeth Hasselbeck is the Republican’s brain trust on a show called “The View.” Her conservative credentials include support for breast cancer prevention and research, the Amber Alert Initiative, the war, Our Leader, and, more generally, being blond and bubbly. Whoopi Goldberg, I’m sorry to say, is this show’s smartest panelist.

To Socratic debate, Hasselbeck has contributed the sob, the wide-eyed stare, and extravagant gesticulation. When words and wild gestures fail, she weeps.

After Jesse Jackson called Obama by the “N” word, a debate ensued on “The View” as to whether it’s ever appropriate to use that word. (And I know this how? All cable channels and others ostensible news outlets reported “The View” vignette.)

Hasselbeck took sanctimony to a new level. She bawled:

“How are we supposed to move forward if we keep using words that bring back that pain?” Such self-indulgent showy sentimentality should never be confused with compassion. However, in America, crying automatically vests the blubberer with moral virtue.

Unlike the “virtuous” Hasselbeck, I’ve had my fill of “black pain,” which I hold between the tongs of quotation marks for a reason. This lady’s convulsions were even more off-putting than the sight of Al Sharpton and Sean Hannity during one of their love-ins on Fox News.

Recall, Hasselbeck’s other philosophically “conservative” stand was to have declared the following about the lynch-mob driven firing of Imus, a politically incorrect, popular broadcaster: “the market has spoken.”

As to the “N” word’s proper use, Goldberg was quick to brief the bleeding hearts who wanted to practically ban it. Blacks bandy about the word among themselves. They also use it in the course of producing that “50 Cent” electronica that Obama has called an ingenious “art form”: hip hop. In other words, blacks have a sense of humor. They have fun with this nasty word. Etiquette and good breeding dictate that whites steer clear.

Self-deprecation doesn’t work when others deprecate you. To me, that seems straightforward.

I’ve made the odd outlandish quip with respect to the Jewish experience. Coming from a gentile, however, it would be in bad taste, rude. By the same token, if whites can recognize that blacks have different cultural references; blacks should reciprocate. Now that’ll be the day!

In any event, if Republicans weren’t so soft, their bubbleheads wouldn’t be doubling up in phony pain, begging for bad words and bad men to be banned. And their Beta Males would quit lavishing praise on Alpha Obama and pathos on Kennedy.

July 25, 2008

CATEGORIES: Barack Obama, Conservatism, Elections 2008, John McCain, Popular Culture, Republicans