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For the third time, my mother’s packaged Hanukkah and birthday presents
had been plonked on the counter of the
United States Postal Services (USPS). For the third time, a
triumphant teller had rejected them. This time the pidgin-speaking
employee muttered something about, “Too heavy for register.” Yes, a
command of the English language is not a USPS-employment requirement for
a job that entails interfacing with the public.
The first teller had sent me and parcel packing because it was secured
with the wrong tape. “Dis tape, dis tape,” she grunted, pointing to a
dark coil in her drawer. She was unable to specify what distinguished my
sealant from hers, primarily because her English was slightly less
proficient than that of an American-born parrot. I promptly purchased
packing tape that advertised its USPS compatibility.
This time my husband tried his luck. After a 40-minute wait in the
Christmas queue, he encountered another female flunky. What was
required, IT said, was adhesive brown paper, not tape. Already two hours
late for work (expensive for a contractor), he rushed home, where we
diligently rewrapped the thing. I sallied forth for our third attempt.
“No, not good,” said the linguistically lame, but unapologetic,
equal-opportunity appointee. “Too heavy, no register; wait in queue,”
the wretch barked. Are you kidding? I refused to budge and demanded to
see the supervisor. When he emerged, he couldn’t—or wouldn’t—explain why
I was not told on my first visit (in English), that USPS doesn’t
register packages in excess of 5lbs. Or why the titmice tellers faulted
the masking tape each time, sending us away with instructions to change
it.
But then monopolists need not explain nor apologize for incompetence or
caprice. USPS, after all, derives market dominance not from what it
offers consumers, but from an exclusive grant of government privilege.
As a monopoly, it doesn’t need to compete or engage in a voluntary
exchange with consumers. Rather, it controls the market by forcibly
prohibiting others from entering it. With such ill-gotten gains—and the
power to keep you and me a captive audience—what did The Supervisor care
if the cretinous underling had us at her lazy beck and call?
Between the first and second rebuffs I had fled to the privately run
UPS Store, being quite prepared to pay double, rather than confront
another USPS skank. There I was greeted by a sweet lad, who was only too
pleased to help and sympathize with survivors. “Are you going to reject
the tape on this package?” I inquired in trepidation. “No, Ma’am, of
course not,” he smiled. “Ma’am,” now that’s an honorific you’ll not hear
at the USPS. (Smiles are as rare as manners.) The young man cares to
keep his customers and his demeanor reflects this. You can’t get away
with being rude when you run a legitimate business, that is, you can,
but you’ll pay the price.
He explains, however, that the USPS syndicate has kneecapped him. There
are certain services UPS is prohibited by law from offering. They’ll
gladly post my parcel, but they can’t register it. And I want to secure
the thing. Yes, I know that I’ve stated on the accursed PS 2976 and the
2976-A forms that my poor parcel is worthless, containing a mere used
handbag, second-hand (but clean) underwear, and a truck load of
Centrum for my aging parents (to explain its weight). But this is
not quite accurate.
That’s the other thing about the USPS and the cartels in Canada and
across the pond. For those not yet apprised of the differences, the
American post office and customs don’t tax, they regulate; their
counterparts in Europe and “Canuckistan” regulate far less but boy, do
they tax! Declare the full value of the items in your package, and its
poor recipients will pay an arm and a leg to retrieve private property
they didn’t steal. If corporations colluded this way to shake down
customers, they’d be prosecuted under antitrust law.
My New Year’s Wish for
United States Postal Services is that it be dissolved and its
employers left to the mercies of customers like me.
©2005 Ilana Mercer
Free Market News Network
December 16
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